16 February, 2023

It seems weird to be writing 2023 as a year. Sort of futuristic in a Buck Rogers kind of way.

Up in Auckland for punk concerts that were booked last August. Social Distortion, Bad Religion and Me First and The Gimme Gimmes. When I got the tickets my biggest concern was Covid shutting things down and I certainly hadn’t contemplated a cyclone flooding out the city. In the usual wonderful way the trip was able to continue with flights and shows all in action and so far the concerts have been amazing. I often think about NOFX’s Fat Mike talking about mole people with magnets under the ground controlling his direction and saving him from himself. I guess it’s what people call fate or luck or something but I really like the mole people image and some days it feels exactly like someone is pushing me in certain directions to keep everything safe and sound.

When you suffer from anxiety making decisions to do things like this can be disproportionately difficult. It’s weird to manage the head noise that goes with doing this sort of thing but the last few years have been about actively learning to manage this shit and get on with life as best as possible. Going to concerts, speaking to large groups, making big decisions are all easy for me. Catching an air plane, filling the car with petrol, finding a car/bike park are all ridiculously crippling. It’s like living a life that has everything flipped around and the physical reaction is not in line with the conscious mind. We all have our things to deal with I guess.

My daughter has moved into the next stage of education and is quickly heading towards being a teenager, levelling up as a person. I still find it difficult to drop her off at a school I used to work at, to be part of a system I no longer have much respect for but it is mixed with pride at her ability to take things as they come and find ways to fit into the system and still be herself.