18 August, 2009

I don’t often drive around this city but when I do, damn … people are freaking insane. I was not aware that Harper Avenue now has an 80km/h speed limit. No signs suggesting this of course but I was being passed while doing 50km/h so matched speed and hit 80km/h before deciding that was just plain stupid.

I also really enjoyed the decidedly middle aged woman who sat right on my ass up Fendalton road, despite there being two lanes and a posted speed limit of 50km/h. This was a fun one and stands out in my mind for a couple of reasons. She was in a big blue SUV. One of those urban penises that fall apart at the first sign of mud and are usually a sign of a seriously insecure man. I was just thinking to myself that this woman seriously needed to get laid when she passed me, at quite considerable speed, revealing a spare tire cover that identified her as a ‘Desperate Housewife’. I got the giggles at this point and passed her about two minutes later as she pulled into the supermarket. That grocery shopping doesn’t just happen man … it’s serious shit for a desperate housewife.

Coming back I felt compelled to break the speed limit as people were starting to get dangerous and make really dumb passing choices. Interestingly age did not seem to be a big indicator of dangerous driving. I could be forgiven for thinking they had a personal grudge and were trying to have a go at me. Some got pretty close. Luckily I have been in Christchurch long enough to know this is one of the largest collections of repressed, middle-class, white people in New Zealand and we have known for a long time that they are the scariest sons-of-bitches there are.

I was happy to get out of the car. I’m not sure where all those people were going so fast. We live on a freaking island, water on all sides. We can drive across the country in a few hours and across the city in minutes. Weird.